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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25232596">Young Love Burns</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyucksicles/pseuds/hyucksicles'>hyucksicles</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Feels, Bittersweet Ending, Car Accidents, Character Death, Childhood Friends, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, M/M, Mentions of Death, Mentions of blood &amp; injuries, Street Racing, mentions of alcohol/drug abuse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 03:06:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,543</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25232596</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyucksicles/pseuds/hyucksicles</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeno remembers the warm sand beneath his bare feet as he ran towards the water. He remembers climbing up trees in his backyard with his best friend. He remembers the stomach aches he would get whenever his mother would indulge them with too much ice cream at the parlor, how he and Renjun would lie on his couch afterwards, their stomachs complaining but their hearts happy as they watched their favourite cartoons. </p><p>Those memories all form part of the mosaic that were Jenos late childhood and early teen years, filled with warmth and joy, much like Jeno himself was. </p><p>But, as the old proverb says, <em>all good things must come to an end.</em></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>59</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Young Love Burns</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>HELLO and welcomeee to the noren fic that was meant to be a 600 twt follower special, but turned out a bit longer than intended... woops. Anyways, this baby has been in my google docs since summer of 2019.. so it was about time she saw the light. </p><p>i hope you all enjoy! and i do not take responsibility for any heartbreak this fic may cause ^__^ (okay, maybe partial responsibility) </p><p>as always, thank you to my betas &lt;3 ily !!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Everything is dark. </p><p>Jeno feels numbness spreading throughout his body. His eyes are closed and, despite not being asleep, Jeno can’t bring himself to open them. There’s a gust of cold wind hitting his cheek, and Jeno distantly recalls it being winter. He’d argued over the frozen state of the roads with someone earlier, but he can’t remember who. </p><p>Something warm trickles down his forehead. Jeno doesn’t know what it is, but he wants to wipe it away. He finds that he can’t, can't move. Not yet. Everything comes to him slowly, like his senses are submerged in icy water, trying slowly to inch their way back out. Very, <em>very</em> faintly, he thinks he hears a hissing sound. He can’t place it. He thinks it might be coming from an engine. </p><p>A car engine. Jeno is in a car. He can feel it now, the leather that sits beneath him. Memories start to flood his head, filling in the blanks inside his mind. Tires squealing, screams, the thundering roar of a car crashing against metal, broken glass.</p><p>Suddenly, Jeno’s sense of smell kicks back in. </p><p>The first thing he picks up is the scent of smoke, gasoline…</p><p>...and a scent of blood.</p>
<hr/><p>Jeno is exactly eight years old when he meets Huang Renjun. He knows this because they meet on his eighth birthday. </p><p>Renjun had just moved into the house across the street and Jeno’s mother, seeing that the two were about the same age, had invited the young boy over to join the little party. </p><p>Jeno still remembers standing behind his mom in the driveway as she talks to the new boy's mother to ask if he wants to come over. Her son is in pretty much the same position as Jeno, clinging onto his mother’s pants and hiding his already small figure behind her form. </p><p>Renjun's mother is delighted with the idea and nudges the small boy forward, a smile crinkling the skin around her eyes. When he stops and looks back at her with frightened eyes, she speaks to him in a language Jeno does not understand. He’s left to stare in wonder as they converse, the unfamiliar tongue slipping easily out of their lips. It makes Jeno feel curious.</p><p>The boy shakes his head several times at his mother's words but the woman simply smiles and takes his hand, deciding to lead him over to Jeno’s house.</p><p>The mysterious boy’s mother seems nice, Jeno thinks to himself as they cross over the street together. She and her son share many of the same features, sloped noses and feline eyes. Jeno looks up at his own mother, who smiles once she notices his stare. Her eyes turn into little crescent moons as she does so, just the way Jeno’s do.</p><p>Once they cross the threshold into the house, a few shrieks of the children playing outside meet their ears. Jeno’s mother crouches down to be on her son’s level. </p><p>“Be a dear and show your new friend around, won’t you, Jen?” Her voice is soft as she speaks, lilting a little at the end as she cocks her head to the side. Jeno nods quickly and the woman brings a warm hand up to pinch at his cheeks, grinning. </p><p>“Come on!” Jeno grabs onto Renjun’s small hands, dragging him out into the garden. </p><p>Out here, other kids their age zoom around Jeno’s backyard, running and tumbling around as they play games or tug at their parents’ clothes as they ask for food. Jeno feels the boy's small hand slip out of his own as he heads over to the fence, sitting down so he leans against it. All thoughts of joining in on the games with the other children vanish from his mind as curiosity takes over, and Jeno finds himself waddling over and plopping down right next to the boy. </p><p>“I’m Jeno. What’s your name?” </p><p>Jeno extends his hand out the way he’s seen the adults do it, but he gets merely a confused look in return.  The boy's eyes are widened slightly at Jeno and it takes a few moments for a quiet reply to come. </p><p>“Renjun.” </p><p>“Renjun?” Jeno parrots. His tongue, not used to the foreign name, causes him to intonate in all the wrong places. Renjun shakes his head and repeats his name, articulating the characters so that Jeno can pronounce it correctly. It takes him a few tries and Renjun definitely giggles through most of them, but Jeno gets there in the end. </p><p>“Where are you from?” Jeno asks, curious to know where this boy with the unusual name came from. Renjun takes a few seconds to comprehend the words Jeno speaks, and the latter realises he must not speak English very well. </p><p>“China.” Jeno rattles his brain for any information as he thinks back to their geography class at school. It’s faint, but he remembers the teacher talking about a large country in Asia where over one billion people live named China. </p><p>“China!” he exclaims, slightly startling the boy. “The really big country!” Jeno continues excitedly, proud of the fact that he knew of the country Renjun was from. Renjun furrows his brows at Jeno’s words. </p><p>“Big?” He inquires, hesitantly, his head cocked to the side as he studies Jeno’s expression. </p><p>“Yeah, big, you know like-” Jeno starts gesturing with his arms, trying to stretch them as far as he can to get his point across. When Renjun finally figures out what Jeno had meant, he nods and a smile blooms on his face, snaggletooth on full display. </p><p>As the two continue to talk, Jeno quickly comes to the conclusion that Renjun really only knows very basic English, and he himself, of course, does not know even the faintest bit of Chinese. </p><p>So, they resort to gestures and weird reenactments of stuff to communicate, even managing to play some small games together. And before Jeno knows it, all his other guests have left and it’s time for his new friend to leave as well. </p><p>They wave at each other after Renjun’s mother leads the young boy back across the street, throwing another “thank you” and a promise to organize a small barbecue over her shoulder at Jeno’s mom. </p><p>Jeno’s bouncing on his feet, already eager about the prospect of meeting his new friend again soon. His mother smiles down at him, placing a hand on his shoulder and squeezing, fond as her son still buzzes from excitement.</p>
<hr/><p>Luckily, it doesn't take very long for Jeno to see Renjun again, as he starts attending his school the very next week. Most of the kids in their class pay little attention to their new Chinese classmate, so Jeno takes it upon himself to make him feel welcome.</p><p>Renjun’s smile is near blinding when Jeno takes a seat beside him and  Jeno finds himself feeling oddly proud of being the source of it. </p><p>The first few months are particularly hard for Renjun, as he still doesn't master the language. He gets lost during class and Jeno has to help him catch up again, even learning a few Chinese phrases in his attempt to translate everything for the boy.  </p><p>However, it doesn't take too long for Renjun to start doing better. He’s a fast learner, and after a copious amount of private lessons with a tutor and many hours spent doing homework together with Jeno, Renjun ends up speaking English better in a year than some of the natives in Jeno’s class. </p><p>Jeno remembers feeling so incredibly proud of the boy after his first full score on an English exam, barely resisting the urge to lift the smaller up and spin him around once Renjun gleefully waves the exam paper in his face. </p><p>The four of them (Renjun, his mother, Jeno’s mother and Jeno himself) all make their way to the nearby ice-cream parlor in celebration later that afternoon. </p><p>Jeno’s mother had become close friends with Renjun’s just as their children had, and quickly Jeno had become as much a part of the Huang family as Renjun was of his. </p><p>Over the years, there had been many birthday parties, afternoons spent grilling, joint trips to the beach and, of course, visits to the ice cream parlor. </p><p>Jeno remembers the warm sand beneath his bare feet as he ran towards the water, Renjun by his side, both laughing like crazy as they raced to see who would jump into the cold waves first. He remembers climbing up trees in his backyard with his best friend, watching their parents and the rest of the neighbors from where they sat perched in the branches, chewing on some Vienna sausages, giggling when the adults couldn’t find them. He remembers the stomach aches he would get whenever his mother would indulge them with too much ice cream at the parlor, how he and Renjun would lie on his couch afterwards, their stomachs complaining but their hearts happy as they watched their favourite cartoons. </p><p>Those memories all form part of the mosaic that were Jenos late childhood and early teen years, filled with warmth and joy, much like Jeno himself was. </p><p>But, as the old proverb says, <em>all good things must come to an end.</em></p><p>That end comes for Jeno on his fifteenth birthday. </p><p>His birthday falls on a rainy day that year. The usual sunny spring skies are covered by grey clouds and ripples of lightning that crack through the air, sending out powerful claps of thunder that make the windows of Jeno’s house rattle and shake. </p><p>He’s been waiting patiently for his mother to come home for the past hour or so. The original plan of him going out to dinner with his parents had been scratched because of the dreadful weather. Jeno and his dad are now both sitting in the living room, awaiting Jeno’s mother who had gone out to buy food. </p><p>Jeno had told his mother that he was fine with just watching a movie at home, not feeling the need to do anything special, but she had insisted on another trip to the supermarket to get the ingredients for his favourite dish, seeing as they couldn't go to the restaurant as planned. His mother has always been thoughtful like that. </p><p>But now, it is well past an hour since she left, a fierce storm still raging outside. Jeno’s father resorts to pacing the floor in front of where Jeno sits on the couch, a fluffy blanket drawn over his knees. He worries his thumbnail between his teeth as he walks, and the clock in the corner of the room ticks along slowly, its arms itching closer and closer to nine pm. </p><p>Eleven minutes till nine. That's when the phone rings. </p><p>A shrill noise not unlike a scream sounds out from the hallway where the phone stands on a small dresser. Jeno locks eyes with his father briefly, fear carved into his expression before the man sprints towards the shrieking device. </p><p>Slowly and slightly unsteady, Jeno gets up and follows him. He holds the fluffy grey blanket closer around his frame, shivering from the cold sweat that runs down his spine. He decides to lean against the frame of the living room door, eyes wide as he keeps them trained on his father's back. </p><p>There’s a sinking feeling in his gut. As if someone were placing rocks into his stomach, piling them up one after the other, to see how long it would take before they came tumbling out of his mouth. </p><p>To this day, Jeno could still picture the way his father’s trembling hands lift up the receiver to press it against his ear. See the way his knuckles whiten as his unoccupied hand grips the side of the dresser harshly. He could still hear the waver in his voice, and the rush of whispered whats, hows, and oh my Gods. </p><p>A vivid image of the way the phone receiver had clattered onto the floor engrains itself in Jeno’s mind that night. An image that would haunt him for years to come. </p><p>His father turns to face him, face impossibly pale and eyes rimmed red. A million scenarios of what could have happened have already passed through Jenos mind, but he's still unprepared for the words that leave his father's mouth. </p><p> “She’s.... gone.”</p><p> The word would forever be tarnished for him now.<br/>
Dead. That's what he means. She’s dead. Jeno’s mother is dead. </p><p>The storm outside can't compare to the thunder and lightning that crashes through Jeno’s heart that night. He runs to his room, slamming the door on his father's desperate shouts of his name and flings himself on his bed. The sound of the rain sputtering onto his roof is loud, but it does nothing to drown out Jenos sobs as he cries into his pillow. </p><p>He doesn't stop crying until morning. </p><p>At some point his father had come in to lay down behind Jeno’s shaking figure, wrapping strong arms around his son, as if in an attempt to hold him together. </p><p>It doesn't help. Nothing would ever help. </p><p>After that day, Jeno shuts himself off to the world entirely. He ignores all calls and texts from his friends. In Renjun’s case, he ignores all knocks at the front door, which results in Jeno’s father having to send the young boy away. </p><p>Jeno doesn't even get out of bed to watch him retreating back across the street, and when Renjun attempts to coax him out by throwing pebbles at his bedroom window, Jeno shuts the blinds. </p><p>The soft sound of rocks hitting glass stops after the third week.</p>
<hr/><p>Jeno doesn't go to the funeral. </p><p>It’s a sunny day, birds chirp happily outside the living room, completely oblivious to the shattered heart of the boy that sits behind the barrier of walls, windows and curtains. </p><p>Sitting slumped into the couch, fuzzy blanket around his figure, Jeno watches how his father makes his way over to the front door, black suit jacket hanging over his arm. His right-hand stalls as it touches the doorknob and he turns towards his son.</p><p>"Are you sure you don't want to come?" His voice is hoarse, weak. The voice of a broken man. </p><p>Jeno doesn't answer, resorting instead to simply grabbing the nearby remote and turning on the TV in front of him. He doesn't miss his father's sigh as the man closes the front door behind him. He had never been as close to his father as he had been to his mother, but Jeno knows that after his father comes home from the funeral that night, something breaks between them. Something that Jeno doesn't think will ever be fixed again. </p><p>If Jeno had gone to the funeral, he would have seen his mother's mahogany casket being lowered into the ground, her favorite flowers<br/>
lilies<br/>
perched on top.</p><p>He would have seen Renjun, dressed in all black and with unshed tears in his eyes, his delicate hands holding a lily of his own between their fingers. And Renjun’s mother, her normally bright face contorted as she barely manages to hold back the choked sobs that threaten to spill out of her throat.  </p><p>Three months after the accident, Jeno finally passes by the graveyard on his way to school. His eyes wander over the array of gravestones, all in varying tones of greys, blacks and whites. He doesn't stop though, his feet carrying him on in a straight line to his destination. </p><p>Jeno finds it easier this way.</p>
<hr/><p>Jeno used to be the top of his class along with Renjun. </p><p>He used to feel pride as he stared at the scores printed out on a piece of paper, eager to show them off to his mother so that she would smile at him, patting his hair as she praised him for being so dedicated to his classes. Those same grades hold no meaning to him now. </p><p>Still, in a weak attempt at pleasing the memory of his mother, Jeno never lets them fall below average. He doesn't want to disappoint her, at least not in this.</p><p>He already feels like she would be disappointed if she knew of the person he had become.</p><p>Lunch breaks that were previously spent at a table with Renjun and the rest of their joint friends were now spent in the parking lots, smoking with the kids who were seen as nothing but trouble. </p><p>Jeno doesn't pride himself on having become what some would call a “bad boy” type, now donning leather jackets and smudged eyeliner and vandalising the abandoned walls of the city streets while in a drunken stupor on school nights. He doesn't do it to make a statement, or to piss off his father<br/>
although it definitely does. </p><p>He does it because these people, these kids he hangs around with, they don't see him as Jeno, the boy who had lost his mother. They don't look at him with pity, or sympathy. </p><p>Here, with them, Jeno can be free to be whoever he wants to. Here, Jeno can forget. He can be the Jeno who sneaks out at night to crash parties and get shitfaced with his friends. He can be the Jeno who lives for speed and races down the highway even with blue and red warning lights chasing after him. A new person, free from the confines of his past. </p><p>It’s a liberating feeling. </p><p>Despite his new group of friends, Jeno still sees Renjun all the time. In the hallways, on the way home from school; sometimes Jeno would even see him when he looked out of his bedroom window. He would see Renjun at his desk, worry lines on his forehead as he concentrated on homework. </p><p>Renjun had tried for a long time to reach out to Jeno, but Jeno just pushed him further away each time. Eventually, he stopped trying. There are times where guilt gnaws at Jeno’s mind because of it. </p><p>It isn't Renjun’s fault that every time Jeno looked at him, he saw his mother. </p><p>She was ingrained into every early memory Jeno had of the boy. </p><p>Their first meeting, how his mother had smiled as she coaxed Jeno to show the young boy around. The trips to the ice cream parlor, how she would wipe away the sticky trails of the treat from Jeno’s and Renjun's small fingers. How she would come into Jeno’s room with a batch of cookies every time the two did homework together. Not to mention the countless trips to the beach, the lake and into the mountains to go camping. </p><p>Every time Jeno looked at him, he saw her. </p><p>It isn't Renjun’s fault, of course it isn’t<br/>
but how is he supposed to ignore the ache in his heart every time the image of his mother resurfaces in his mind? Jeno doesn’t want it to hurt, but it does. He wishes he could stop it. </p><p>Sometimes his heart is pumping so loud in his ears that there’s no chance of him focusing on anything but that. </p><p>But when he looks at Renjun, everything is calm, still, not even a gust of wind around. And so, Jeno sees her. Short bangs and round face and the crescent moon eye smile that she passed onto her son. </p><p>His mother had been everything to him. Everything. The night she died, she had taken a part of Jeno with her. A part that he would never fully get back. </p><p>Over the years, the two of them, Jeno and Renjun, Renjun and Jeno, once best friends and practically joined at the hip, become complete strangers.</p><p>Renjun is now one of the populars, the nice guy with good grades that gets all the votes for student body president. The guy who volunteers at the animal shelter, who takes part in bake sales and does so many extracurriculars that his ticket to a good college is practically guaranteed. The guy who everyone swears will be the valedictorian. </p><p>Jeno, on the other hand, had become one of the outsiders. A “troublemaker”, according to the teachers at the school. The label feels cliche, and not entirely truthful, but Jeno can’t really bring himself to care. </p><p>He spends most nights sneaking out of his bedroom window, off to some high school or even college party or to an illegal car race taking part somewhere hidden in the city. Jeno seeks out the high of adrenaline in any way he can. </p><p>Somethin<br/>
anything<br/>
to take the numbness that cages his heart away for just a second. </p><p>So that's how Jeno finds himself, one Saturday night, once again unlatching his window to climb out onto the small patch of roof that lay beneath it. His feet hit the tiles with a thump, sending a few small stones rolling down and over its edge. Carefully he moves towards the side, reaching out to grab onto the sturdy water pipe and slowly shimmying down until his feet hit solid ground. </p><p>Jeno slips his phone out of his back pocket and checks for any new messages. </p><p> </p><p>: hey</p><p>: jaemin just called and said he's heading to the race up west. so he kinda can't pick you up and my car's dead so :// </p><p>: sorry you'll have to find your own way down here</p><p>Jeno groans as he reads over the words. <em>Asshole</em>. He sends Yangyang the middle finger emoji before shoving his phone back in his pocket, ignoring the next few pings he gets, knowing it's probably the younger’s attempt at one of his half-assed apologies. </p><p>Running his fingers through his hair in frustration, Jeno’s eyes look around at the street. The street lamps are turned on, their sickly yellow light casting long-drawn shadowy figures onto the ground. His eyes stop, however, as they land on the outline of a body that sits on the lower roof of the house opposite his.</p><p>It takes Jeno a minute to clearly make out his features in the way they're hidden in the dark, but there's no doubt in his mind that the boy he’s looking at is Renjun.</p><p>"Renjun?" Jeno calls out into the night. The boy startles slightly, apparently not aware of the fact that the other had seen his crouched figure. </p><p>"Oh… hey Jeno." </p><p>Jeno hasn't heard his voice in while. It's lower than what he remembers. </p><p>“Hey…" Jeno looks down at his shoes and mindlessly kicks at a pebble, not really knowing what to say to the boy whose presence he’s basically ignored for the last three years. </p><p>A wild idea pops into his mind. Jeno’s got no ride, nowhere to go, it's the middle of the night and there's no way in hell he’s going back to bed now that he was awake. So, Jeno asks a rather daring question. </p><p>"Mind if I join you up there?" </p><p>There's a beat of silence, nothing but the very faint sound of the city nightlife to be heard in the distance. A cold wind picks up around and Jeno wraps his jacket closer to conceal the bumps rising on his skin. </p><p>"No, it's fine. Come on up."</p><p>It's a bit hard to hear Renjun over the gust of wind, but Jeno deciphers his words regardless. He nods to himself, the gesture serving as some sort of futile attempt at telling himself that this wasn't about to be a totally uncomfortable experience. </p><p>Experienced by now in the art of climbing up and down water pipes, Jeno quickly makes it up to the roof on top of Renjun's porch. He sits down next to Renjun, knees brushing together as he crosses his legs. They don’t say anything, and Jeno takes the time to steal a quick glance at the boy. </p><p>He's grown up well, Jeno notes. </p><p>Sure, Jeno always sees him from afar but, being able to look at his features so closely makes him appreciate just how much delicacy they are crafted with. He resembles his mother in a way, carrying the same regal elegance that she does, even with her wrinkles becoming more prominent each year. </p><p>His hair is dyed a dark shade of brown, almost black, but not as dark as his natural hair. It looks glossy though, and it takes a considerable amount of self-restraint on Jeno’s part not to reach out and run his fingers through it. Jeno can only see the side of his face, mostly hidden away in shadows, but he can still see the pretty slope of his nose and the almost feline quality to his eyes. </p><p>Jeno is aware that he himself has changed a lot over the years. His build is bigger now and he takes pride in the fact that he worked hard on his body. His face looks different now too, jawline sharp and features striking. </p><p>Objectively, Jeno knows he’s hot, he’s been told so about a million times, but there’s something about Renjun that makes the boy look absolutely stunning. Something Jeno can’t really describe with words. </p><p>Renjun doesn't look at him. All he does is stare forward, his knees up to his chest so that he can rest his chin upon them. Jeno feels a little silly for just being there, that he followed his stupid impulsiveness to come up here. He can't just up and leave now though. </p><p>Huffing out a short sigh, Jeno fumbles around in his left back pocket for his cigarettes. He pulls out the familiar red box of Marlboro’s, flipping the lid open before placing one of the cigs between his lips. </p><p>Jeno offers the box to Renjun, finally making him react enough to look down at the box and then up at the younger. He looks slightly bewildered. Jeno raises his eyebrows. "You want one?" The cigarette between his lips muffles Jeno’s words. </p><p>Renjun looks away once again. "No, thank you." </p><p>Shrugging, Jeno pulls out a lighter from his inside jacket pocket and starts flicking it on. He uses one hand to shield the small flame from the wind as it sets the tip of the cig on fire. </p><p>Slowly, Jeno inhales the fiery smoke, letting it spread throughout his lungs, the sooty substance leaving traces of death in its wake. He’s always felt like smoking is a way of temporarily dying. It's a dark thought, Jeno knows that, but there's a twisted part of him that likes the fatality of it all. </p><p>He exhales, letting the swirls of ash-coloured smoke dissipate into the night air. Renjun's body is warm beside him, and despite the few inches of distance between the two, Jeno can feel the heat that radiates off him. It's not overbearing. It's the type of warmth that leaves you feeling soft and fuzzy, like that feeling when you snuggle into your bed covers on a cold winter day. </p><p>Renjun has always been gentle. Not weak, not in a way that should be underestimated, but just gentle. He’s got a quick mouth too and is a force to be reckoned with, but at his core, Huang Renjun is a gentle soul. </p><p>Jeno remembers how the boy would always calm him down after Jeno had a fight with his father, curling up next to him as Jeno cried tears of frustration. He would whisper sweet nothings in his ear, caressing along Jeno’s back until the tears had finally ceased. They would always watch their favourite movies afterwards, munching on snacks under the pillow fort they’d build in Renjun’s room, Jeno’s heart completely at ease with the boy beside him. </p><p>Jeno smiles at the memory before his heart twists painfully at the thought of his father and the fact that they haven’t talked in the last three days. So he takes another drag of the cigarette, letting the effects of the fumes wash the images away. </p><p>“How can you even<br/>
that?” </p><p>Renjun’s words bring him back to reality, and Jeno glances over to see the older already looking at him. His brows are drawn close, a slight crease on his forehead, much like the times when Jeno has seen him struggling with his homework. </p><p>“What? Smoking?” </p><p>Renjun nods as an answer. </p><p>Jeno purses his lips, shifting around to sit more comfortable before taking the cigarette out of his mouth. He watches as the tip flickers red and orange, the burnt pieces of ash that fall off are carried away by the wind. </p><p>“It’s kind of ironic, but it helps me breathe sometimes.”</p><p>Renjun hums beside him and the two are plunged into silence once again. A few moments pass and Jeno finally decides to put out what’s left of the death stick. A question arises in his mind. </p><p>“What are you even doing out here in the middle of the night?” </p><p>Renjun stares straight ahead as he answers. “I could ask you the same thing.” </p><p>There’s an almost defensive edge to his tone, and it doesn't quite settle right with Jeno. He brushes it off, though.</p><p>“Okay, I think it was pretty clear that I wanted to get out of here. You, however, seem like you have no intention to move.” He tries to pick the words carefully, worried he might scare Renjun off for some reason.</p><p>Another beat of silence. “Couldn’t sleep.” </p><p>Jeno nods slowly in understanding. “That happen to you often?” </p><p>Renjun heaves out a sigh. “These days, yes.” </p><p>Jeno tilts his head to the side, gaze directed towards Renjun while the older continues to avoid his eyes.</p><p>“And you always come out here?” </p><p>He nods, a few stray hairs falling in front of his eyes. Jeno racks his brain for any sight of Renjun in the many nights he’s escaped out of his bedroom window. He comes up empty. </p><p>“I’ve never seen you before, though?” </p><p>Renjun simply shrugs his shoulders. “You’ve never noticed me before tonight. In fact, you haven’t noticed me in a long time.” </p><p>He says his last words in a voice that’s barely above a whisper and Jeno hates the way they still sting with such force that he has to physically repress the wince that climbs up his throat.</p><p>Jeno wants to tell him that no, that's not true, because Jeno had noticed him. He noticed Renjun when he would greet his friends at the entrance of the school, when he would smile and laugh at the jokes of one of the pretty boys that had a crush on him and when he would water his mother’s flowers in the garden, afternoon sun beating down on his face.</p><p>He bites down those words, however. “Sorry.” </p><p>It’s all he manages to say. Pathetic, Lee Jeno, he scolds himself. His voice comes out broken and beaten down, and if it weren't for the fact that the wind had calmed down, it wouldn't have been heard at all. Renjun breathes out through his nose. </p><p>“Don’t be, it’s fine.” </p><p>It’s not, and they both know it but neither of them has the courage to say anything about it. </p><p>Unasked questions and unsaid feelings hang in the air around them like the unrelenting heat that forms on summer days, just before the arrival of heavy rain. </p><p>Except, here, the rain never comes. </p><p>“I should probably go to sleep. It’s late.” Jeno says, as if he hadn’t planned to stay out until the early hours of the morning.</p><p>He can’t stay here anymore, not with the air feeling as thick as it does. It suffocates him more than the likes of nicotine smoke ever could. Jeno stands up, crouching so as to not lose his balance, and moves to the side of the roof. He dangles his feet off the ledge, ready to reach out for the pipe when he pauses. </p><p>His head turns around to look at his former best friend, who still sits there, looking out at the city in the distance.. “Are you- are you gonna be up here again tomorrow night?” </p><p>Renjun finally turns to look at him. He blinks, seemingly unsure if he’d heard Jeno right. “Um, yes.” </p><p>Jeno feels shaky as he nods, nerves scratching at the sides of his stomach. “Can I- Is it okay if I join you again?” </p><p>There’s a minuscule change in Renjun’s face, as if a fraction of the stoic mask he’s been wearing all night has been chipped off. “Sure. Just direct your cigarette smoke away from my face, okay?”</p><p> A wave of relief washes over Jeno and he allows himself a small smile.  </p><p>“Will do.” He winks.</p><p>And then he’s gone, down the water pipe, across the street and up into his room through his window. Jeno glances back one last time at the opposite roof where Renjun has halfway climbed back into his own room as well. He spots Jeno, however, and sends a tiny wave over his way. Jeno waves back and waits for the other boy to turn his back before sliding his window shut and closing the latch. </p><p>The clock reads 1:15 am as Jeno flops down onto his bed, thoughts of the boy next door clouding his head as he attempts to fall asleep. </p><p>That night, he dreams of feline eyes, dark hair and a soft smile.</p>
<hr/><p>Spending the very early hours of the morning on the rooftop of Renjun’s porch becomes a somewhat regular occurrence after that.</p><p>The two boys don’t talk much at first, Jeno silently puffing out clouds of smoke as they sit shoulder to shoulder, staring up at the night sky dotted with stars. Eventually, however, the ice that has built between them starts to melt. </p><p>Jeno can’t quite remember who it is that starts to fill the silence between them with conversation, he doesn’t really care either. Jeno’s just happy that breathing comes easier to him now, even without the cigarette bud between his lips, and it’s thanks to the likes of Huang Renjun. Thanks to his smile, his laugh, the soft melody of his voice as he recounts his day’s events or the stories that Jeno has missed out on over the years. Jeno does the same, and slowly the familiarity between them comes back, like the spring that comes after winter, bluebells breaking through the layers of frost in order to bloom.</p><p>They still skirt around heavy topics, and there are things left unsaid between them, but Jeno is thankful for the comfort, and for the fact that he can now look at the boy without his mother’s face flashing up in his mind. </p><p>He can feel something shifting between them as well, as the weeks go by, and Jeno finds his heart starting to flutter more and more in the presence of the older boy. </p><p>The shift solidifies itself one Thursday afternoon as Jeno jogs up to Renjun, who’s on his way home, bookbag slung over one of his shoulders. </p><p>“Hey,” Jeno greets, slipping his hands into the pockets of his tattered jeans as he bumps shoulders with Renjun. The older raises his eyebrows, clearly confused, but Jeno doesn’t miss the way his face brightens up at the unexpected company. </p><p>“Hey yourself,” Renjun says, a smile tugging at his lips, “Been a long time since we’ve walked home together.”</p><p>Jeno chuckles, the sound a little nervous as he scratches at the short hairs on the nape of his neck. “Yeah, that’s true.” He agrees, biting his lip before looking over at Renjun, who clearly still waits for more of an explanation. </p><p>“Ah,” Jeno continues, heat gathering in his cheeks against his will.  Faintly, Jeno realises that no one has made him this nervous in a while. “I don’t know — I just thought — I don’t know…” He finishes dumbly, not having given much of an explanation at all really. </p><p>Renjun laughs, full on laughs at him, before bumping their shoulders in the same way Jeno had a minute prior. “Well, I’m not complaining. You’re good company.”</p><p>Jeno smiles at that, soft and a little shy at the fondness in Renjun’s voice. </p><p>“Especially when you’re not covering me in cigarette smoke.” The older adds on, making Jeno roll his eyes as his smile grows, one hand pushing at Renjun’s shoulder and sending him stumbling to the side. Renjun snorts, returning to Jeno’s side in no time, a skip to his step that hadn’t been there before. </p><p>A feeling of happiness crackles in the air around them, a youthful kind of joy that Jeno only ever feels with Renjun, one that he had become so foreign to over the years. It’s still strange, new despite the familiarity between them, but Jeno welcomes the feeling that has him grinning like an idiot, butterflies in his stomach. </p><p>As they continue on their track through the neighborhood, afternoon sun painting their faces golden, Jeno can’t help but notice how close they are. Renjun’s hand keeps brushing against his own as the older swings his arm, filling the air with trivial tellings, completely oblivious to Jeno’s inner conflict as to whether or not he should give in to the urge to just grab onto it. </p><p>Finally, Jeno’s mind grows tired of the struggle, and he wants to actually be able to listen to what Renjun is telling him. So, Jeno bites back his fears, interlacing their fingers in one quick motion without so much as batting an eye. Renjun stops talking, and Jeno refuses to look at him, keeping his gaze trained on the houses in the distance. </p><p>However, out of the corner of his eye, Jeno catches the way Renjun glances down at their intertwined limbs before his gaze lingers for just a second on Jeno’s face. </p><p>He continues talking a moment later, a pretty dust of pink settling over the apples of his cheeks as Jeno sucks his lips into his mouth, trying to keep the triumphant smile off his face. Not surprisingly, he fails, and the action prompts both of them to giggle.</p><p>Jeno feels light, airy, as if he’s floating on a cloud as they near their homes, interlocked hands still swinging between them. He could get used to this.</p>
<hr/><p>It’s weird, taking Renjun with him to a street race. </p><p>It’s weird, Jeno thinks to himself, as he stands on the sidewalk, loud chatter and shouts mingling with the rumbling of car engines nearby. Jaemin had texted him earlier that night about a race uptown and invited Jeno to come, telling him Renjun was welcome to tag along too. </p><p>Jeno had sent Renjun a message at around eight before deciding to get some sleep and, despite not getting a text back, Renjun was leaning on his car as Jeno slipped out of his window at midnight. </p><p>Jeno had been glad to see that Renjun had his own car to drive, or otherwise they would’ve had to wait for one of Jeno’s friends to give them a ride. </p><p>He glances at Renjun’s profile now. </p><p>Jeno thinks that Renjun doesn't exactly <em>look</em> out of place. His dark hair is styled back, revealing his forehead and adding a rather sharp edge to his usual soft features. There’s black eyeliner adorning his eyes, enhancing the feline quality they convey. His clothes are dark in colour, sleek soot-coloured boots matching his leather jacket, or well, more accurately, the leather jacket Jeno had leant him. It’s a bit big on the smaller boy, but it looks good regardless. </p><p>Renjun looks like he could fit in with all the lost souls that roam this godforsaken place. There is an aura about him that makes him seem almost dangerous, a black void capable of destroying all that comes close enough to touch. </p><p>That’s the thing though, Renjun <em>looks</em> like he could fit in, but that was it. </p><p>Jeno looks past the way Renjun’s lips are drawn together, looks past the way his forehead creases, past the stoic expression settled into his face like stone. Instead, he looks at his eyes.</p><p>They’re a dead giveaway. Jeno can see the way his fluttering nerves and the slight sense of fear swim in them. The deep brown of his irises are like a window into his soul, and Jeno knows that the warmth and gentleness that lie within the boy has no place in the dark backstreet alleys at the edge of the city. </p><p>He smiles as Renjun flinches from someone violently stumbling past them, apparently having drunk one too many beers that night. Jeno moves to rest a hand on his jacket clad arm, just above the elbow. Renjun looks at him and his face relaxes, a small tentative smile tugging at his lips. He moves a bit closer to Jeno after that. </p><p>“Jeno!” </p><p>Jaemin’s happy shout of his name sounds out from behind Jeno, and he swivels around to greet the boy. Jaemin’s broad shoulders are covered with red leather, the colour a beautiful contrast against his tan skin. His grin is wide, unbothered, and his hair is tousled, pushed back from wind. He looks effortlessly gorgeous, as he always does. </p><p>He’s tall, handsome, his face sculpted by the hands of greek gods themselves, and there’s this energy about him. This lingering buzz of something electric that crackles through the air every time he’s close. Jaemin, Jeno notes idly to himself, is like a spark of lightning.</p><p>He’s beautiful in the dangerous sort of way, at least is the string of broken hearts he leaves behind is anything to go by. Jeno’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about kissing the living crap out of Jaemin more than just once (oftentimes while drunk). Jeno’s glad he never gave in to the urge though. Jaemin is a close friend. It would have just made things too complicated.</p><p>His arm slides around Jeno’s waist easily as he presses a loud, wet kiss to the older’s cheek, rubbing his forehead against the side of Jeno’s face in an affectionate manner afterwards. The spot on Jenos skin touched by Jaemin’s lips sizzles in the cold night air. </p><p>“Glad you could come, baby!” Jaemin speaks loudly next to him, enough to make himself heard over the noise. Renjun visibly tenses beside Jeno and the younger subtly puts some distance between himself and Jaemin. </p><p>He gestures towards Renjun. “Jaemin, this is Renjun. Renjun, this is Jaemin.” </p><p>The bright grin is back on Jaemin’s face as he leans forward to grasp the smaller boy’s hand, a clap resounds as he greets him in a brotherly manner. Jaemin’s always been friendly, even with strangers. </p><p>“Ah, so this is Renjun, it’s nice to finally meet you. So I’m guessing you’re betting on my boy Jeno tonight?” He finishes with a wink as he pulls back, one of his arms still curled around Jeno’s middle. </p><p>Renjun’s eyes grow a little wide as he looks over at Jeno. “I’m sorry, betting..?”</p><p>Jaemin laughs, a deep and rumbling sound that causes him to throw his head back in amusement. Jeno hadn’t had the time to tell Renjun anything about the workings of the race, and he can't help but chuckle a little at Renjun’s clueless face as well. Sighing, he turns to Jaemin. </p><p>“Actually, I can’t race tonight, Jaemin. I couldn’t get my hands on a car in time.” Jeno pouts, easily shifting into his more playful side with Jaemin’s energy buzzing around him. Jaemin’s laughter dies down as his name is called from somewhere off to the side. He shouts something into that vague direction before turning back to Jeno.</p><p>“What?” He mirrors Jeno’s pout, not unlike as if he were talking to a small child. “Well that’s no good. Can’t we find you one?” </p><p>“You can use mine-” Renjun stumbles out quickly, making both boys look at him. “You can use my car, if you want.” </p><p>Jeno stares at him, reaching out a hand to brush against Renjun’s fingers. “Are you sure?” </p><p>The older nods. “Yeah, why not? I’d like to see you race. You keep talking about it.” He flounders a moment. “I don't have any money on me though.”</p><p>There’s no stopping the smile that spreads on Jeno’s face as he looks at the other boy, quietly relishing in the color that’s risen to Renjuns cheeks. “That’s fine.” Jeno comments, sounding a little breathless. He feels Jaemin shuffling from beside him. </p><p>“Which one’s yours?”</p><p>The three of them turn their heads down the street where most of the cars that don’t belong to the racers are parked along the sidewalk. “The black Mustang GT.” Jeno answers for Renjun. </p><p>Jaemin wolf whistles and Jeno smirks at his reaction, sending the boy standing on his other side a wink. He had already complimented Renjun on his choice of car earlier. Sure, it wasn’t anything fancy, but the car has a good build and great specs for its price point. </p><p>“Well, now I’m definitely gonna have to watch my back out there.” </p><p>Snorting, Jeno slaps his friend's arms lightly. “And you didn’t have to do that before?” </p><p>Jaemin pauses to hum as he pretends to think. “Nah.”</p><p>“Jackass,” Jeno comments as he slides closer to Renjun, looping a hand around the boy’s waist. He’s nearly surprised at how quick the other moulds to his body. “I’ve won against Jaemin more times than I can count.” He turns to Renjun as he says it, a wolfish smile on his face as he notices the twinkle in Renjun’s eyes. </p><p>Jeno knows that his attitude out here changes, he gets bolder, more daring, adrenaline coursing through his veins at the mere prospect of flying over the roads. He can see that Renjun has taken notice of his shift, and is pleasantly surprised at the way Renjun’s eyes drink him in, almost hungrily. </p><p>The auburn-haired boy clears his throat with a roll of his eyes. </p><p>“<em>Anyways</em>, I gotta go. Jeno, you should get yourself ready as well.” He ruffles through Jeno’s hair, chuckling as Jeno leans away from his grasp, before turning to Renjun. </p><p>“It was nice meeting you, Renjun. Make sure to wish me luck too, will ya?” </p><p>He shoots both of them a wink as he turns on his heel, running off to his car. Jeno’s eyes trail after him, and an unsettling feeling burns in the pit of his stomach as Jeno’s eyes focus on the boy he talks to. None other than the infamous Lee Donghyuck leans against the tinted windows of Jaemin’s silver Chevy Camaro. </p><p>The boy is nothing but trouble, known to be notoriously addicted to anything and everything that went against the law. Even within Jeno’s circle of questionable friends, most of them were wary of the raven-haired devil, advising Jeno to avoid him as best he could. As a result, Jeno never liked hanging out with the guy, although he did so occasionally, for Jaemin’s sake and due to the fact that he was at virtually every race Jeno ever attended.</p><p>There's a sharp glint to Donghyuck’s eyes that makes the hairs on Jeno’s body stand up. Whereas Jaemin may be dangerous when it comes to breaking hearts, Lee Donghyuck is danger personified. Jeno can see it in the fiery gaze with which he scans the crowd, in the smirk that sits on his features every time he sits behind a wheel and in the dark lines of ink that trace up to lick at his jaw. </p><p>Jeno feels his stomach do a flip, a sudden spark of nerves flying up the length of his spine as he remembers the fact that Donghyuck is going to be out on the roads as well. </p><p>The clearing of a throat beside him brings Jeno’s attention back to the boy he came here with. “So, what’s all this about betting?” </p><p>Jeno grins at his curious gaze, fishing around in his back pocket to pull out the four twenty-dollar bills Jeno had brought with him, originally to bet on Jaemin since he didn't think he himself would be joining. </p><p>“You can bet on any of the racers, and if they win… well, then you can easily make a few hundred bucks. Here.” Jeno presses the crumpled up paper into the boys hand. “Since you’re letting me use your car, you can bet on me tonight.” He smiles cheekily, watching as Renjun’s nose wrinkles up slightly, making him look so out of place in the sea of unlawfulness that surrounds him. </p><p>“You actually bet on this stuff?” </p><p>“Well yeah, duh. What, did you think people just come here to watch some random guys race around in their cars for the hell of it?”</p><p>The ghost of an indignant pout graces Renjun’s lips that makes Jeno giggle almost childishly at the sight. He mutters an “<br/>
under his breath and Jeno shakes his head, pressing the boy closer into his side. The wind around them is chilly, and Jeno subconsciously tries to feed off Renjun's body heat. The boy has always been pleasantly warm, not like Jeno, whose hands are icy cold and whose body struggles to retain its heat. </p><p>“Let’s head over to your car then, yeah?” He suggests and Renjun nods, their sides staying pressed together as they make their way over to the vehicle, only parting as they head to opposite sides of the Mustang.</p><p>Jeno lets his fingers dance across the hood of the car, eyes trailing over the two white stripes that run across its middle, continuing across the length of the car. He rubs his fingers together, smearing the dust he’s collected. </p><p>“Catch!” Is all the warning Jeno gets before Renjun is flinging his keys over the roof that’s between them, Jeno only narrowly managing to catch them, his reflexes jolting awake.</p><p>He eyes the keys for a moment, spinning them around his finger by the keyring, a grin on his face. </p><p>“Hey, just as a warning.” Renjun’s voice brings his face back upwards, landing on the boy whose arms are currently resting on the black roof of his mustang. “You damage this car in any way, Lee Jeno, and I’ll have your head on a platter.” There’s a smile on Renjun’s face, but it’s with a little too much teeth to be taken as a joke. </p><p>Regardless, Jeno laughs at the threat, bringing two of his fingers up to his forehead in a salute. “Yes, sir.” </p><p>Renjun snorts at that, rolling his eyes. Leaning forward, Jeno places his chin on his arms that he folds on top of the car’s roof, imitating Renjun’s position. “Hey, I’ll have you know that I am a <em>wonderful</em> driver.” </p><p>The older tilts his head as his eyes narrow, humming. “I’ll be the judge of that,” he says, leaning back and nodding over at Jeno, “You gonna open the doors now?”</p><p>Jeno’s tongue nips out to swipe at his bottom lip as he smiles, bringing the keys to the lock on the car door before he freezes. “Wait, you’re joining me?”</p><p>“Of course I am,” Renjun states matter-of-factly, raising his brows as he sees Jeno’s surprised expression. “What? Did you really think I would let you drive <em>my</em> car while I get to freeze my ass off sitting on the sidewalk?”</p><p>“Hmm, fair point I guess.” Jeno comments, amused by the easy banter between them. He turns the key, ducking into the car and unlocking all doors once he eases himself into the driver’s seat. Renjun slips in, lightly slamming the door closed behind him. </p><p>“You sure about this? Racing can get kinda intense.” Jeno questions, leaning his head back against the car seat after buckling his seatbelt, gazing over at Renjun. </p><p>The boy seems unfazed, relaxing in the passenger's seat, his position mirroring Jeno’s. “I’m sure,” he states, and his gaze is so intense, dark eyes shimmering as he trains them on Jeno, who can’t bring himself to look away. </p><p>“Now show me what you got, Lee Jeno.”</p>
<hr/><p>They join the other cars at the starting line a few minutes later, the air around them buzzing with energy and the loud revving of engines, smoke drifting in through the opened windows. Yangyang bends his head into the car on Renjun’s side, his signature cheshire-cat smile splitting his face. </p><p>“Didn’t know you were racin’ tonight Jeno.”</p><p>The older shrugs, adjusting the rear view mirror in passing. “To be fair, I wasn’t planning to, but an opportunity presented itself…” Jeno lets his eyes linger on Renjun’s profile as he says so, playful grin on his face.</p><p>Yangyang looks between them for a moment before nodding, a knowing expression on his face. “I see… so you must be Renjun?”</p><p>Renjun opens his mouth to answer but Yangyang continues before he can do so. “Our boy Jeno here talks a lot about you.” </p><p>Jeno feels all the heat in his body rush to his face. He had not expected that. Curse Yangyang for being such a little shit, Jeno thinks to himself as he suddenly becomes very interested in fiddling around with the dashboard, pointedly ignoring the pair of eyes he can feel on the side of his head. </p><p>“Does he now?” He hears Renjun ask, full of mirth. </p><p>“Oh yeah, you should—”</p><p>“Yangyang!” Jeno interrupts the younger, “Can you hurry it along? The race is about to start.” </p><p>Jeno says through gritted teeth despite the smile on his face, and he can definitely see Renjun purse his lips in an attempt not to laugh out of the corner of his eye. Yangyang, of course, doesn’t hold back and fully cackles, having to take a deep breath before he can even continue speaking. </p><p>“Right,” Yangyang shakes his head, still chuckling, “Renjun, you betting? Because if you are, I’m the guy you hand over the cash to.”</p><p>Said boy reaches into his jeans pocket, fishing out the crumpled bills Jeno had handed him earlier. “80 bucks on Lee Jeno.” </p><p>The younger takes the money out of Renjun’s hand, whipping out his phone to tap in the information before he stores away the cash. Once he’s done, he gives another one of his shit-eating grins. “Okay then, good luck out there, Jeno. Best win this one so you can impress your boy!” </p><p>Jeno lets out a sigh as he places both hands on the wheel, using his arms to push his body back against the car seat, perhaps hoping that he can just sink into the leather and disappear. The melody of Yangyang’s laugh still floats through the air, bouncing off the walls of Jeno’s brain, mocking him. He doesn’t look over at Renjun, instead choosing to roll up the windows and ignore the fact that his heart is starting to pound from more than just the nerves. </p><p>“Your boy, huh?”, Renjun starts, and his voice is soft, only audible due to the fact that the noise outside is dulled through the glass, “Cute. I like that.”</p><p>Jeno doesn’t think he’s ever felt such a spike of euphoria ever before, a sudden jolt of energy rushing through him as a smile makes its way onto his mouth. Still, he groans, the butterflies in his stomach exploding as he runs one hand over his face. </p><p>“Shut up,” he grumbles and Renjun lets out a huff of air that sounds like a laugh. </p><p>Outside, the noise picks up again, drawing Jeno’s attention away from the other boy in the car as the other racers start showing off by revving their engines, building the hype for the crowd that cheers on the sidelines. A girl wearing heels that are definitely too high to be walking on asphalt starts stepping towards the middle of the road, just in front of the starting line, two checkered flags in her hands. </p><p>Jeno breathes deep, adjusting his position as he lets one hand rest on the stick shift, the other high up on the wheel. He steps on the gas, feeling the vibrations of the engine beneath them as they travel through his body, loud enough to get a reaction out of the bystanders and painting a wolfish smile on Jeno’s face. God, Jeno had missed racing.</p><p>Looking over to his side, he sees Renjun taking measured breaths, one of his hands gripping the __ knuckle tight. “You nervous?” Jeno chuckles, eyes turned into crescents as his gaze sweeps over the older boy who sends a glare in his direction.</p><p>“Don’t be. Like I said,” Jeno turns his attention back to the road in front of him, to the two flags that are now raised, “I’m a wonderful driver.”</p><p>“And like I said, I’ll be the judge of—” Renjun’s sentence gets cut off as Jeno floors it, engine roaring beneath his feet as the car flies forward, easily slipping into the front line of racers. </p><p>Tires screech against the road as Jeno takes a sharp left, one glance at the rear view mirror letting him know that Jaemin is hot on his tail, the boy’s Camaro closing in. Shifting gears, Jeno speeds up as the street narrows down, making sure Jaemin can’t overtake him. </p><p>Two other cars are still ahead of Jeno, one of them Donghyuck’s red Toyota Supra with an engine more powerful than most of the other cars in the race. Jeno doesn’t recognize the other car, but it doesn’t matter, it all fades away as Jeno hones in on the glistening red that grows closer and closer as Jeno speeds up once again. </p><p>The street widens again, allowing the racers more space as they separate. Jeno can feel adrenaline thrumming through him, energy pulsing through his veins, setting every nerve end alight as he thinks about his next move. Before he can do much however, the road narrows once again and Jeno can do nothing more than focus on smoothly drifting through the next few curves. </p><p>A sudden hand on his thigh causes him to tense up, eyes flicking over to the boy beside him for just a second. “Renjun, what—”</p><p>“There’s another wide stretch up ahead. When those two seperate, switch gears and push through the window.” </p><p>Jeno is momentarily stunned. <em>Since when does Renjun know anything about racing?</em> He snaps himself out of it quick enough though, no time to waste at the speed with which he’s blazing through the outskirts of the city. His face settles into a scowl, trying to focus on the road while also running the scenario of Renjun’s suggestion through his mind. </p><p>“It might work, but there’s a sharp curve right almost right afterwards that I don’t know if I can make at that speed.”</p><p>“So slow down as soon as you’re through, the others will have to slow down as well. You won’t lose your advantage,” Renjun speaks, loud enough to break through the thundering of the car beneath them and the blood thrumming in Jeno’s ears. The older squeezes Jeno’s thigh, and somehow it makes the younger’s head clear just enough for him to take a breath. </p><p>“You got this.” Renjun whispers, he feels closer this time, and all of it makes the electricity coursing through Jeno light up once again, this time with double the force. </p><p>Jeno ignores Jaemin’s obnoxious honking behind him as his eyes narrow in anticipation, waiting for the right moment, right hand firmly gripping the stick shift. As soon as the road opens, both cars in front part, leaving just enough space between them for the Mustang to squeeze through. Jeno shifts back into fifth gear just before he pushes his foot down on the gas pedal, accelerating as fast as he can and pushing the car to its limits. </p><p>He passes Donghyuck’s Supra and the Mitsubishi Lancer, pulling in front just enough so that it forces the other drivers to fall back as the path starts to dwindle again, merging into a bend. Angling the car to the side, Jeno’s foot hits the brakes as he drifts around the corner smoothly, perfectly coming into a straight stretch of road. </p><p>Jeno lets out a euphoric shout, one that mingles with Renjun’s near manic laugh as both of them rejoice in the way their hearts seem to beat out of their chests. There, only a few hundred meters away, lies the finish line.</p>
<hr/><p>Jeno looks at the boy beside him through his lashes, breath heavy as adrenaline continues to surge through him. Renjun is staring right back, senses attuned to Jeno’s as he seems to lean in closer. Not being able to contain himself further, Jeno pulls at the collar of his leather jacket, crashing their lips together over the console. </p><p>The kiss is wet, desperate as they ride on the high of the race, giggling into each other's mouths as they kiss sloppily. Renjun pulls back a little to speak, his words spilling into Jeno’s mouths as their lips continue to touch. </p><p>“I wanna kiss you properly.” He whispers, and it’s enough for Jeno to throw caution to the wind, starting up the car again to bring them away from the crowd, both of them laughing almost hysterically as Jeno sharply rounds a corner into the space behind one of the buildings. </p><p>Jeno doesn’t care about the glory of the win, or the cash that he’s sure to receive as his cut. Jaemin will keep it safe for him, he’s sure. Right now, Jeno only wants Renjun pressed up against him, the older boy's lips on his. </p><p>That’s exactly what he gets as soon as he turns off his car, Renjun scrambling over the console to get onto Jeno’s lap. Renjun’s body is flush against his, and Jeno relishes in the way his warm hands travel over the goosebumps that erupt on the exposed skin of Jeno’s neck, his wide cut tee being pushed further down. </p><p>Jeno pushes one side of Renjun’s jacket off his shoulder as he trails kisses down the boy's neck, hearing Renjun sigh out in delight above him. Everything about Renjun engulfs Jeno in that moment, his scent, the warmth he emits and the memories that come flooding in as if they were waves crashing against rocks. All of it mixes with the energy that crackles in his blood.</p><p>He feels almost light headed at it all.</p><p>Renjuns hands reach up to tug against his hair, fingernails scraping against his scalp and causing Jeno to grunt as he feels himself be pulled back up so that Renjun can seal their lips together once more. </p><p>Jeno doesn’t know exactly how long they stay in that position, getting lost in each other as their hearts beat together in harmony, slowly but surely coming down from the adrenaline rush of the race, instead letting a new kind of adrenaline thrum through their veins.The moment is somewhat shattered however, as Renjun leans back far enough to press against the horn of the car. The loud sound sends both of them joliting apart, their eyes meeting before they burst into laughter. </p><p>“Maybe we should head back,” Jeno says after he finally catches his breath. Renjun is a beautiful sight above him, Jeno’s leather jacket halfway down his shoulders, pretty patches of purple blooming on his neck and his lips bitten red. The boy nods, cheeks flushed under Jeno’s gaze, and maneuvers back onto the passenger's seat. </p><p>The younger almost regrets his decision as soon as Renjun's warmth leaves him and the goosebumps return to his skin, but he knows they can’t just stay here forever, no matter how much Jeno wants to. </p><p>He puts the car in drive, a soft song trickling through the car's speakers as Renjun turns on the radio. The music fills the comfortable silence between them as Jeno drives them home, one hand on the wheel while his other rests on the console, fingers intertwined with Renjun’s. </p><p>Jeno forgets all about the prize money he’s supposed to collect until the moment he pulls into their street. Even then, Jeno can’t really bring himself to care.</p>
<hr/><p>Renjun's laugh rings through the air, breaking through the quiet humming of the music that plays inside the diner. They're alone except for the young woman at the counter who scrolls mindlessly through her phone. It's late on a Thursday night, and both of them have school tomorrow, but Jeno doesn't care about any of that, not when schoolwork had kept Renjun occupied for the entirety of last weekend and the past few days. </p><p>So as Renjun texted him earlier that evening that he was finally done with his latest assignment, one that Jeno was going to have to start and finish tomorrow, the younger had insisted on inviting his boyfriend out for late night milkshakes. </p><p>Yes, his boyfriend. The night after the race, after their first kiss, Jeno had pressed their foreheads together on the steps leading up to Renjun's  porch, and he's asked. He can still see the smile spreading over Renjun's face as the boy had agreed, tilting his head up to seal their lips in a kiss. </p><p>Jeno places his jaw on his palm, propping himself up with his elbow on the table, watching the boy across from him with stars in his eyes. The older laughs again, still recounting one of the events of his day, and Jeno chuckles accordingly, although he has lost track of the story, too busy tracing the ethereal slopes of Renjun's face. </p><p>He doesn't even notice that Renjun has stopped talking until his boyfriend calls out his name. "Jeno!" Jeno's eyes widen, a deer caught in headlights as he jolts up. "Are you even listening to me?" The older asks with a shake of his head, a sigh that sounds incredibly fond floating past his lips. </p><p>"Sorry," Jeno admits, a sheepish smile on his lips as his cheeks start to warm. He pushes the empty glass of milkshake aside, smearing the water droplets of condensation against the over the table. Reaching across, Jeno joins their hands together, playing with Renjun’s fingers that are so much smaller than his own. “Guess I got distracted.” </p><p>Renjun snorts. “You’re such a dork, Lee Jeno.” </p><p>Jeno lets out a giggle in response, resting his chin on the table’s surface as he continues to play with Renjun’s hands, admiring the way they fit together, how Renjun’s slender fingers slot perfectly between Jeno’s. A comfortable silence settles between them as the speakers continue their low hum of a song. </p><p>It’s broken by Renjun, who disentangles their hands to fish out his phone, wearing an amused grin as Jeno whines at the loss of contact. The older glances at his phone screen. “We should head back. School tomorrow,” he says, sympathetic at Jeno’s groan as the boy  lightly hits his forehead against the table. </p><p>Jeno agrees, albeit reluctantly, and the two of them leave the diner, once again hand in hand, to head back home. </p><p>The early months of summer have arrived, meaning the night air is no longer chilly as they walk through the deserted streets of their neighborhood. Their voices echo down the roads, laughter mingling in the summer breeze as they walk slowly, stopping every so often to join their lips in a kiss. </p><p>Renjun leans against the side of his car once they make it to the driveway, gently tugging at jeno’s fingers until the older stands before him. Jeno takes it as a sign to clasp his hands together at Renjun’s nape, placing kiss after kiss after kiss on Renjun’s cheeks and at the corners of his lips, low whispers and breathy giggles shared between them. </p><p>“Renjun?” A woman’s voice starles them both as the porch light flickers on, shrouding them in a yellow glow. She steps down the few wooden stairs that lead up to the porch. “Renjun, what are you— Oh.” The woman pauses her words as she reaches the bottom. “Jeno?” She asks then, and her voice fills Jeno with a strong sense of nostalgia. </p><p>Her features become clear as she steps under the light of the nearby streetlamp, elegant slopes and feline eyes, dark black hair that curls inwards at her shoulders. Jeno’s mind is taken back to the first day he ever saw her, to the little boy hiding behind her legs. </p><p>“Mrs. Huang,” he greets, a certain wistfulness to his tone. </p><p>“Jeno,” she repeats, “it’s good to see you.” Crows feet form at her eyes as  she smiles up at him, her frame much smaller than it used to be, or maybe Jeno had just grown so much taller. </p><p>She looks between the two of them, a knowing expression crossing her face as her lips continue to curl upward. Jeno looks over at Renjun, barely suppressing a chuckle at how red his cheeks have gotten. </p><p>“Well, I’ll leave you boys to say your goodbyes,” Mrs. Huang says, a little mirth to her tone before it turns a little more serious, “Not too long, though. It’s a school night, and it’s already quite late.” </p><p>Both boys agree, bidding her a goodbye as she retreats back into a house, failing to hide her giggles into the sleeves of her nightgown. </p><p>Renjun hides his blush in Jeno’s chest as he buries his head there, Jeno’s laugh vibrating throughout his body. They stand there only a moment longer before Renjun lifts his head back up, lips in a pout. Jeno kisses it off of him. </p><p>“Well, you heard her. Off to bed, Junnie.” Jeno teases, although his voice drips with fondness. Renjun shakes his head, a playful roll of his eyes. </p><p>“You too,” he demands before leaning up on the tip of his toes to press a chaste kiss against Jeno’s cheek. </p><p>“Goodnight, Jeno.” Renjun speaks into the warm summer night as he pulls away, slowly making his way up the porch steps. </p><p>Jeno breaths in, a smile on his lips that seems to have made its home there as of late. </p><p>“Goodnight, Renjun.”</p>
<hr/><p>Fingers tangle in Jeno’s hair as Renjun pulls him closer, sucking Jeno’s bottom lip between his teeth. The younger groans above him, tilting his head further as he licks his tongue into Renjun’s mouth. </p><p>They’re laid across the backseat of the Mustang, pulled into a hidden alleyway behind a building, much like the night of their first kiss. Legs intertwined, Jeno braces himself on his forearms on either side of Renjun’s head as he tugs on the older’s bottom lip. </p><p>The energy from the race still hangs in the air around them. Jeno hadn’t won this time, the victory going instead to Donghyuck. Not that Jeno cares, his real prize lies beneath him, soft mewls of Jeno’s name leaving the older’s mouth as he scrapes his nails across Jeno’s scalp. </p><p>Jeno is pretty sure he could do this forever, hands roaming across Renjun’s sides as they fall further into each other. He wraps his arms around Renjun’s waist, lifting the boy up and maneuvering him onto his lap, Renjun’s giggles spilling into his mouth as they change positions. Renjun detaches himself from Jeno’s lips in order to pull the younger back by his hair, causing him to bare his throat which Renjun now sucks and bites into. </p><p>Grip tight on Renjun’s thighs, Jeno sighs out in bliss as Renjun sucks on a particularly sensitive spot just below his ears, shivering as Renjun blows cool air onto the skin there before grazing his teeth further down Jeno’s neck. </p><p>“Hey, Jeno,” Renjun calls for him as he continues to paint purple marks onto the canvas that is Jeno’s skin. Jeno hums, mind spinning with everything Renjun. “I wanna try something...”</p><p>Jeno’s mind stutters to a halt at the wrds, eyes flying open just as Renjun sits back up, looking directly at his face. “Oh,” Jeno says slowly, hoping the way his cheeks colour isn’t visible in the darkness of the car, “What— What did you wanna try?”</p><p>“Racing.” Renjun answers with a smirk, snorting at the way Jeno’s shoulders visibly drop. “Don’t worry,  I want to try other stuff too...” He trails off, avoiding Jeno’s eyes as the younger smiles, amused.  </p><p>“Anyways, I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and I really want to try racing.” The older continues, hands toying absentmindedly with the zipper of Jeno’s jacket. </p><p>“Renjun,” Jeno starts as his hands settle on the smaller boy’s waist, “racing, it’s— it’s dangerous. Not to mention illegal—”</p><p>“You do it.” Renjun states matter-of-factly, leading Jeno to click his tongue, because well, what can he say to that. “Hey, I’m a good driver.” Jeno is about to argue that that’s not exactly a requirement for illegal street racing but Renjun stops him before he can do so. “And this <em>is</em> my car after all, shouldn’t I get a chance to race it?”</p><p>“Besides,” Renjun grins triumphantly as he cups jeno’s cheeks, fully aware that he’s already won his boyfriend over, “Wouldn’t I look sexy speeding down those roads, leaving all the other racers in the dust?” </p><p>Jeno laughs then, head falling back against the car seat as he peers up at Renjun through his lashes. “Yes, that would be very sexy.” He says and Renjun joins in on the laughter before pressing their lips together once again.</p>
<hr/><p>Leaning against the fence of the empty parking lot, Jeno feels his heart thrumming underneath the thin white cotton of his t-shirt, sweat running down his back as the summer sun’s rays beat down on him. He watches, eyes sharp and completely focused, as Renjun perfectly circles around one of the barrels, the mustang easily drifting to the side before Renjun ups the gears, accelerating as he drives straight again. </p><p>Jaemin stands beside him, eyes following the same path as Jeno’s as they continue to observe the other boy doing his practice rounds. The younger comments on some of his techniques, pointing out some things he should polish up. Jeno lends him an ear, paying Jaemin half his attention while the other remains on his boyfriend currently heading towards another barrel. </p><p>Renjun puts the car into another near flawless drift, coasting smoothly around the rusty metal barrel before finally slowing down as he comes to the end of his lap. Despite the fascination that comes from watching Renjun drive, because the boy is a natural, way better than Jeno — even if he might not want to admit it aloud — a sense of relief floods over him once Renjun kills the engine. The pace of Jeno’s heart slows back down as Jaemin bounces off the fence behind him, practically skipping over to Renjun, probably to give the older some pointers. </p><p>Jeno lets him, he knows his friend has much more knowledge on cars and racing than he does. Instead of joining them, Jeno fishes a box of Marlboro’s out of the pocket of his jeans, pulling out a cig and placing it in between his lips as he pats his pockets, groaning when he can’t find what he’s looking for. </p><p>“Need a lighter?” </p><p>A sudden voice speaks from Jeno’s side, and he whips his face to the side only for his eyes to land on none other than Lee Donghyuck. He’s dressed in a low cut black tee and tan shorts, exposing his caramel skin and the tattoos that run up his chest. Silver piercings line both his ears, glinting under the sun and his eyes gleam with that hint of danger that Jeno has come to associate with him. Donghyuck steps closer, cigarette lighter in hand, eyebrows raised in question.</p><p>Jeno doesn’t speak, choosing to accept the offer silently and letting the flames of Donghyuck’s lighter set the tip of his cigarette ablaze. The boy slides up next to him, their skin brushing together, Jeno nearly yelping at how much heat radiates off the younger's body. </p><p>They watch as Jaemin steps away from the car window, Renjun looking past him and towards Jeno as he shoots him a wink before starting up the engine again. The tires squeal against the grey asphalt beneath them as Renjun takes off, starting another lap around the vast parking lot. </p><p>“He’s good,” Donghyuck comments, now lighting a cigarette of his own and placing it between rosy lips, “Your boy.” Jeno makes a noise in agreement, eyes trained once again on the sleek black mustang rounding the first barrel. Jaemin rejoins them, falling back against the fence beside Jeno as he launches into a detailed explanation of what he had told Renjun. </p><p>Jeno doesn’t listen, his heartbeat thrumming in his ears as he takes a long drag of his cigarette. He watches Renjun bend the mustang to his will, taking sharp turns and pushing the engine to its limits, the occasional shout of joy from Renjun reaching his ears. </p><p>A smile graces Renjun’s lips as he slows the car down for a final time,  bringing it to a halt. His gaze falls on Jeno, eyes crinkled up as happiness swims in those chocolate brown orbs, and Jeno smiles back. He puts out the cigarette bud he throws to the ground with the tip of his sneakers, jogging over to the older as said boy steps out of the car. </p><p>Once Jeno is within reach, Renjun digs his fingers into the collar of Jeno’s t-shirt, pulling him close, uncaring of the sweltering heat that heightens as their bodies push against each other. </p><p>“Well?” Renjun asks, tilting his head with a grin. “How did I do?” </p><p>Jeno snorts at Renjun’s expression, wrapping his arms tighter around the olders lithe waist. “Amazing,” he answers, sincerely, his eyes traveling to Renjun’s lips as the boy wets them with his tongue. </p><p>“Great,” Renjun says before leaning up to meet Jeno in a kiss, running his tongue along the back of Jeno’s teeth as he immediately licks into his mouth. The younger sighs out in bliss, eyes fluttering as he tugs on Renjum’s bottom lip. The kiss is wet and warm, just like the rising heat of the sun beating down on them from above and it’s borderline disgusting how sweaty they are, pressed against each other like this, but jeno doesn’t care in the slightest. </p><p>Renjun pulls away first, leaning back as Jeno chases his lips. “Can’t wait to beat you at the next race.” </p><p>“Oh yeah? You think you can?” Jeno plays along, voice defiant and his eyebrows raised. </p><p>“Yup.” Renjun pops the “p” with a teasing grin before once again crashing their lips together, leaving Jeno to chuckle into his mouth, too amused and too in love to put up a fight.</p>
<hr/><p>Jeno’s fingers tap idly against the hood of the car, head propped up on his arm as he lays on his back. Renjun lies next to him, their bodies touching at the sides. The sky stretches out for miles above them, clouds dipped in red as the sun starts to slip below the horizon, a few stars beginning to sparkle behind the crimson curtain. </p><p>The air here is peaceful, the Mustang parked at the side of the river that runs across the edge of the city. Jeno would always come here with his friends, mostly to drink and get into trouble far away from the prying eyes of the cops, or their parents. Now, however, he brings Renjun to the special spot, content to stretch out on the hood of the mustang and just talk about anything and everything, or not talk at all as they admire the heavens above (or make out, whatever, Jeno doesn’t mind either way.)</p><p>Jeno closes his eyes as the last of the sun’s rays catch on his face, relishing in the soft caress of the warmth that it brings. He feels almost ready to doze off until he notices Renjun stir from beside him. Suddenly the light on his face is overtaken by a shadow and Jeno squints his eyes open to see that Renjun has now sat up. </p><p>“Can I ask you something?” Renjun questions, feeble, as if he’s reluctant to start whatever conversation this is about to be. Jeno feels the air shift around them, a sudden weight dropped upon them like an invisible cloak. </p><p>It makes Jeno sit up as well, a sudden tightness in his chest that he tries not to make too obvious in his next words. “Sure, you can ask me anything.”</p><p>There’s a long pregnant pause that stretches between them as Renjun seems to gather his words. Jeno watches with baited breath.</p><p>“When it happened,” Renjun starts, and Jeno involuntarily flinches at the word “it”. Renjun doesn’t even have to elaborate for Jeno to know exactly what he means. It hurts, just to know that his old wound, his biggest one, the one that still splits his soul, is being prod at. However, Jeno knew this was coming eventually, and he was willing to bear the pain, for Renjun. </p><p>“I know you were hurting… and that everyone deals with grief in a different way. But,” Jeno can almost hear the words before Renjun speaks them.  “Why did you feel the need to push <em>me</em> away? We were best friends...I—” Renjun sighs, and Jeno can hear more than see that there are tears forming in his eyes, “I just feel like I could’ve helped you and—”</p><p>“And it hurt a lot when you just shut me off like that, especially when I saw you making new friends and well— well then we just became total strangers…” His voice gives out a little at the end. It makes Jeno want to reach out, to hold him and kiss him and tell Renjun that he’s here now, that it’s okay.</p><p>He can’t, though, not yet. Not without an explanation first. Renjun deserves to know the truth, and tonight is as good a night as any. Jeno takes a deep breath, in and out, trying to breathe out the pain that clouds his lungs, making it difficult to speak. </p><p>“Every time I looked at you, I saw her.” A sharp intake of breath. “I saw my mother.” </p><p>There’s another moment of silence, the crickets in the bushes around them starting up their symphony as the day slips further and further into the night. </p><p>“It made it hard for me to… be near you I guess,” Jeno continues, “For the longest time I couldn’t even bring myself to look at you and well, when I started going back to school it was just easier to sort of—” Fumbling for the right words, Jeno runs a hand through his fringe in frustration. “Argh, I don’t know, it was just easier to create this new version of myself, a way to detach myself from my past, from… everything I guess, which included you.”</p><p>Jeno sighs, eyes on his hands as he plays with the distressed fabric of his ripped jeans. “I guess it was just easier to run from my past instead of confronting it.” He lifts his gaze to look at Renjun, whose face is still angled away from him. “I’m sorry for hurting you in the process, I promise that it was never my intention. Everything was just… complicated.”</p><p>Renjun’s shoulders lift and fall as he breathes slow. Hesitating slightly, the boy turns to face the younger. “And when you look at me now, do you still..?” </p><p>“See her?” Jeno completes, a small smile forming on his face that is both equal parts happy and sad. Renjun nods, his intense stare pinning Jeno down in the same way it always does. </p><p>“Sometimes, I guess?” He answers truthfully, reaching out a hand to clasp Renjun’s as he sees his gaze drop. “But it doesn’t hurt, not anymore,” Jeno rushes to explain as he holds the older boy’s hand even tighter, “Nothing hurts with you, Renjun. You make me feel so happy. Happier than I’ve been in a really, really long time.” </p><p>Jeno says the last part in a whisper, leaning forward and placing his other hand under Renjun's jaw so he can tilt up his face, forcing their eyes to meet again. Despite the glossy state of his eyes, Renjun smiles, and Jeno swears it’s the most beautiful sight he’ll ever witness. Renjun's smile, bright enough to rival the stars that have since started to light up the sky above. </p><p>“You make me so happy too, Jeno.” With that, Jeno brings their lips close enough to touch, teeth clashing as they smile into the kiss. </p><p>This moment, Jeno thinks, as he kisses the boy he loves under the starry night sky, is perfect.</p>
<hr/><p>Hairs tickle at Jeno’s chin as Renjun leans his head back against his chest, slumping onto his body. Jeno chuckles, looping his arms around Renjun’s middle as the older reads over the piece of paper in front of him, glasses slipping down his nose. </p><p>They’re sat in the middle of Renjun’s living room, both wrapped up in warm clothing due to the harsh winds of winter raging outside. Renjun is possibly drowning in the hoodie he wears, quite a few sizes too big thanks to the fact that it used to be Jeno’s. Technically, it still is Jeno’s, but the younger has made peace with the fact that the chances of him ever getting it back are rather slim.</p><p>(“You look good in yellow.” Jeno comments, head propped up on his elbow as he lies on his bed, gaze trailing over Renjun. The boy had just come out of the shower, water droplets dripping onto Jeno’s yellow hoodie, the one that currently swallows Renjun’s frame. </p><p>“Thank you,” Renjun chirps, padding over to the bed in order to slip under the covers. Jeno shifts, making place for the older boy to snuggle up against him, throwing his body half on top of Jeno as the younger slips one arm around him. “It’s my favourite colour.”)</p><p>On the piece of paper Renjun currently holds up is a rough layout of the house, and a list of christmas decorations messily scribbled underneath it. The holiday is still a whole month away, but Renjun, ever since they were little, has always insisted on preparing the decorating with enough time to spare. Jeno and his parents used to join in on the tradition — thanks to Jeno’s numerous  pleas — but the christmas spirit in the Lee household has long since gone out like a candle in the wind. </p><p>Now though, Jeno feels overjoyed to spend Christmas with Renjun again, this time as more than just best friends. He’s excited, so excited in fact that it leads Renjun to lovingly describe him as an overgrown puppy while ruffling his hair. </p><p>Jeno listens carefully as Renjun points out which decorations were to go where, listing ideas and mumbling under his breath as he mentally moves everything around. He looks adorable, Jeno thinks to himself as he presses the cold tip of his nose against the skin of Renjun’s neck, nodding along to all the boy's suggestions. </p><p>Once finally satisfied with the layout, Renjun and Jeno move to the kitchen, alone in the house since Renjun’s mother is out buying groceries. Jeno observes the thin snowflakes floating down to the ground outside the kitchen window, tiny white sparkles that fall like feathers, gently swaying.</p><p>It’s a beautiful sight, Jeno muses, but it pales in comparison to the sight of Renjun hopping up onto the kitchen counter, the sleeves of Jeno’s sweater long enough to swallow his hands as the older sips on his hot chocolate. Jeno’s own mug full with the beverage sits next to him on the counter as he moves away from the window to place himself in between Renjun’s thighs. </p><p>Wrapping his arms lazily around Renjun’s middle, Jeno starts nibbling at the soft expanse of Renjun’s neck. The boy above him lets out a sigh at the feeling. “Your hot chocolate is gonna get cold,” he says, placing his own cup down to tangle his hands in Jeno’s hair. </p><p>“Don’t care,” comes Jeno’s muffled response, feeling the rythmic thumping of Renjun’s pulse under his lips as he continues pressing kisses there. Renjun hums lowly, his hands moving to either side of Jeno’s jaw so he can pull the boy up to face him. He squishes Jeno’s cheeks in between his palms, giggling at Jeno’s scrunched up face before leaning down for a kiss. </p><p>“You hear about the race next week?” Jeno raises his eyebrows at the sudden change of topic. Face still smushed between Renjun’s hands, he makes a noise of confusion. </p><p>“What race?”  </p><p>“Jaemin told me about it,” Renjun explains, finally freeing Jeno’s cheeks from his hold as he brushes stray hairs out of the younger’s face, “He texted me about the details yesterday, saying he thought I might want to come since, you know, I’ve been too busy with school lately to go to any.” </p><p>“Oh.”</p><p>“Yeah. So what do you say, wanna join? You don’t have to race if you’re not up for it, just ride shotgun with me.” The older tilts his head as he bumps their noses together, a smile growing on his face as Jeno lets out a resigned sigh, already well aware of the fact that Jeno simply does not possess the strength to say no to him. Not that Jeno feels opposed to begin with, racing just hasn’t been of that much appeal to him recently. He doesn’t need the thrill of getting chased down dimly lit streets at ungodly speeds to feel alive anymore. </p><p>Most of his nights these days are spent huddled under a blanket with Renjun as they watch whatever new series they’re currently binge-watching after finishing their homework. As boring as it may sound in comparison to what they were before, Jeno is sure that he could end all his nights with his boyfriend curled up in a ball next to him, breathing shallow as he dozes off with his head on jeno’s shoulder. </p><p>“Sure,” Jeno answers, laughing as Renjun presses kisses to the apples of his cheeks, “Let’s go.”</p>
<hr/><p>The familiar buzzing of engines and conversations overlapping fills the air as Jeno walks through the crowd. His hands are buried deep within the pockets of his jacket as his lower teeth chatter slightly in his mouth, the outfit not warm enough in the biting weather. </p><p>Pushing himself up on the tips of his toes, Jeno looks over the people walking around him to spot his friends, having just got back from grabbing a snack at the nearby convenience store. He sees the back of Renjun’s head first, street light reflecting off his dark glossy strands. </p><p>Jeno slips through the crowd, approaching his boyfriend from behind as the older converses with a now pale blue haired Jaemin. He wraps his arms around Renjun’s middle in a back hug, syphoning some of the boy’s heat. Renjun immediately puts his hands over Jeno’s own where they interlock above his waist, gasping a little. </p><p>“You’re so cold, Jeno.” Renjun voices, concern laced in his tone as he turns around in Jeno's hold and pressing his warm hands against the apples of Jeno’s cheeks. The older isn’t dressed in more layers than jeno by any means, and yet it’s like he traps the warmth within, as if the heat of the summer lives within him no matter the season. </p><p>Jeno leans down to bury his head in the crook of Renjun’s neck, the cold tip of his nose making Renjun yelp out a giggle. The younger sighs against the skin there. “Are you really sure you wanna race tonight? The roads are —”</p><p>“Icy, yes I know, Jeno. You’ve only mentioned it about a hundred times.”  Renjun chuckles, threading his fingers through Jeno’s hair in order to gently pull him back. “I also remember you telling me icy roads haven’t stopped you from racing in the past.”</p><p>“That still doesn’t make it a good idea.” Jeno groans, checking the space behind Renjun briefly for a sign of Jaemin, only to see the boy has already taken off. </p><p>“Jeno, will you stop worrying? I’ve got this. I got us here in one piece, didn’t I?”</p><p>“That’s because you weren’t driving like you do in a race—” </p><p>“Hey,” Renjun stops Jeno’s grumbling as he grabs a hold of Jeno’s dark blue bomber jacket, making Jeno’s attention snap towards his face. “Are you doubting my skills, pretty boy?” The older questions, and while the tone is teasing enough, Jeno picks up on the hint of defensiveness that lies beyond. With a sigh, Jeno resigns himself from saying anything more. He doesn’t want a fight. </p><p>“Hey,” Renjun starts again, this time softer as his hand comes up to caress along Jeno’s jaw, the younger leaning into the touch. “Do you trust me?” </p><p>Jeno looks at him, drowning in the depth of his eyes as they stand there, their own world frozen still as time continues as always around them, the hustle and bustle of the crowd, the shouts, the humming of nearby engines. </p><p>Jeno looks into Renjun’s eyes, and he answers honestly. </p><p>“<em>Yes</em>.”</p>
<hr/><p>Jeno sits on the passenger seat of the mustang, his nerves sparking up inside him as he fiddles with the buckle of his seatbelt. He barely registers his conversation with Yangyang, only knows that he hands over his cash at one point, the words of “good luck” ringing  faintly in his head.</p><p>“Hey!” A shout from his left has Jeno’s head swiveling to the side. He sees Donghyuck, coal black hair falling over his eyebrows as his sharp gaze sets on Jeno, and on the boy beside him. “Careful out there, the ice’s gonna make today’s race a bitch.” </p><p>The comment makes Jeno feel even more on edge, a bad feeling rising in his stomach the longer he sits in the damn car. “Thanks,” Renjun shouts from beside him, loud enough to be heard over the outside noise, “I will be.” </p><p>And with that, Donghyuck nods and rolls up the tinted windows of his red supra and Jeno is left to breathe deep and slow, eyes set on the road ahead. </p><p>“Jeno,” Renjun’s clear voice cuts through the space between them. Jeno’s head lolls to the side as he looks over at his boyfriend, forcing a small smile onto his face. “I love you.”</p><p>Jeno’s smile turns genuine then, eyes disappearing into crescent moons and the weight on his chest becomes easier to bear. He takes Renjun’s hand in his, lifting it up to his lips and placing a kiss there. </p><p>“I love you, too.” </p><p>Leaning over the console, Renjun kisses Jeno gently, his warmth colliding with Jeno’s cold as their breaths mingle. They kiss slow, none of the fire that comes with their usual kisses that take place within the car, but passionate all the same. It’s familiar, a comforting thing. To Jeno, it feels easier than breathing. </p><p>The loud roar of engines has them pulling apart, Renjun’s hands settling, one on the wheel and the other on the stick shift as Jeno leans back, preparing himself. </p><p>They take off the next second, Renjun flying them over the start line and taking his place as one of the front-runners amongst the rest of the racers, just behind Donghyuck and Jaemin who currently fight for the lead. </p><p>Renjun drives fast, but Jeno can tell he’s being more careful with his turns, as are the others around them, all wary of the road’s conditions. Donghyuck and Jaemin start to speed ahead during the straight stretch, Renjun following close behind as the three cars begin to leave the other racers in the dust. </p><p>Jeno grips at his own thighs as he sees the supra swivel a bit, falling back as Jaemin speeds up as they head for one of the biggest turns of the track. Renjun uses the chance to shift gears, stepping on the gas as he hurtles past Donghyuck. </p><p>“Is he okay?” Renjun asks, barely audible over the sound of the engine thundering beneath them. Jeno leans to the side, looking at the rearview mirror to see Donghyuck’s supra several feet behind them. </p><p>“Yeah, he’s—” Jeno stops mid sentence as his eyebrows furrow. Donghyuck is flashing his headlights. He must be signaling something, something important by how frequent his flashes are. Jeno feels a pit in his stomach, something must be wrong. </p><p>“Hey, Renjun, wait—” He starts, eyes fixed on the reflection of Donghyuck’s car. </p><p>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>“Wait, Donghyuck’s—  I think you should slow down—” Jeno is cut off by the piercing sound of the tires screeching against the gravel beneath, the car suddenly veering left and right as Renjun loses control of the steering wheel. </p><p>Jeno doesn’t even know what’s happening, his and Renjun’s screams overlapping as the car skids off the road. There’s an impact, a loud bang as the car crashes into something. Searing pain shoots up Jeno’s body for a brief moment and then…</p><p>Everything goes black.</p>
<hr/><p>Panic courses through Jeno as he comes to, the tips of his fingers starting to twitch as he regains mobility over his body. His vision is blurry, but it’s enough to allow him to see the blood that is currently dripping down his forehead, leaving behind trails of crimson.</p><p>He reaches up to swipe at the substance, but is stopped by an intense pain ripping through his right arm, causing him to grunt, tears forming at the feeling. The pain extends up into his shoulder, and Jeno can feel it worsening by the second. He closes his eyes, trying to breathe as steady as he can as his anxiety worsens. </p><p>Jeno tries to think back on what happened, the flashes of memories in his mind becoming clearer as he concentrates. He can hear his own voice in his mind, shouting some kind of a warning to someone as they grasp at the steering wheel of the car that is spinning out of control. Wait, Jeno isn't driving, he's in the passenger's seat, riding shotgun. </p><p>Jeno wasn't driving.</p><p>Renjun. There's a sudden connection that happens inside Jeno's brain, his memories clicking together like pieces of a puzzle. His eyes fly open, suddenly more awake than ever as they search for the other boy. </p><p>He only has to turn his gaze to the side to see the older, slumped forward against the wheel of the car. His face is angled away from Jeno, but the younger can still see the blood that gathers at the top of the wheel, clotting in Renjun’s hair. </p><p>Jeno moves, a strangled sound falling from his lips, his mouth tasting of iron as he tries to  unbuckle himself with his left hand, the one that doesn't feel as if completely engulfed in flames. His heart is pounding in his chest, worse than ever, and Jeno knows he's shaking. He's so scared, so scared, Jeno doesn't think he's ever been this afraid of anything in his life. </p><p>Tears of frustration gather at his eyes, mingling with those of fear and panic as Jeno can't get the damn belt to unbuckle from its confines, the system damaged in the crash. Desperation grows inside him, unable to reach over and check if Renjun is okay, if he's even alive, because Jeno can't see him breathing. </p><p>Oh God. Oh God, Jeno thinks, bile rising in his throat. All his senses are in overdrive. Renjun isn't breathing. Jeno can't move, trapped against the seat of the car with his body screaming out in pain, and Renjun isn't breathing. Jeno can feel the tears starting to escape down his face. He's sobbing now, although the garbled sounds he makes don't register well in his ears, still ringing from the impact of the crash. </p><p>Lifting up his left arm, he weakly grips at Renjun's jacket, trying to shake the older boy despite the way it jostles his own body, muscles shaking with the strain and the fact that the anxiety inside Jeno is starting to reach his peak. </p><p>"Renjun!" He shouts, and the name sounds distorted coming from his lips, his throat raw and constricted. He can taste blood, tears and the smoke that drifts in from the smashed window to his right. All of it mixes with the bile that he can feel at the back of his mouth, and Jeno screams again, repeating renjun's name over and over again as he waits for the boy to stir, waits for him to suddenly sit up and turn towards Jeno like nothing's wrong. </p><p>A voice calls out Jeno's name from outside, but it sounds far away to him, the tone familiar and yet foreign. Jeno can't focus on it, only on Renjun, lying motionless by his side. He screams again. This time it's not Renjun's name, just an ugly sound that sounds more like a wail of agony ripping through his vocal chords. </p><p>"Jeno!" His name is clearer this time, and he can feel the presence of someone outside his side of the car. Jeno doesn't care though, his eyes remain on Renjun, the outline of his body blurred through the tears that don't stop falling from Jeno's eyes. "Jesus fuck."</p><p>Jeno feels more than hears the car door  being swung open beside him, cold winter air hitting him in full force as his body registers the cold and starts shaking even harder than before. Someone's leaning over him the next second, muttering something that sounds like curses under their breath as they too fumble with the buckle. Jeno sees flashes of black ink on tan skin in front of him, his brain connecting the dots slowly. </p><p>"Donghyuck..." Jeno forces out, his voice breaking along the way, chest still heaving as he sobs. </p><p>Donghyuck shushes him, speaking in a tone softer than anything Jeno had ever heard out of the boy, but there's a sense of urgency underneath it all, his words rudhes. "It's okay, Jeno. You're gonna be okay. Don't worry." </p><p>"R - Renjun.." He says, desperate for Donghyuck to help the other boy instead. "Go h- help Renjun..." Donghyuck doesn't stop in his attempt at freeing Jeno from his confines, using force to try and dislodge the tongue from where it's stubbornly buried inside the buckle. </p><p>A whine falls from Jeno's lips, the salty tears never ending as he grips Donghyuck's arm weakly. "Renjun..." He pleads again, his heart squeezing in his chest. Donghyuck bites his lip, lifting his gaze up to meet Jeno's. His eyes are glossed over, dark orbs shining with so many emotions that Jeno can't even pick them apart. Jeno holds his breath as they look at eachother. </p><p>When Donghyuck shakes his head, Jeno's world comes crashing down around him. The pain in his arm is overshadowed by the pain that digs its claws into his soul, tearing through it until it's left in shreds.</p><p>"No!" Jeno screams, thrashing around as the panic inside him crescendoes. "No, no, no, no, no!" Jeno repeats over and over, the word the only thing his mind can come up with, dying on his tongue as he dissolves into nonsensical cries once again. </p><p>Jeno can't believe it. He can't. He can't. Renjun can't be gone. He can't. He can't. Jeno refuses, he refuses to lose the one other person in his life that could make him happy, the best friend that he had gotten back only a year ago, his first love. </p><p>He doesn't notice Donghyuck’s breath of relief as the tongue finally unbuckles, the boy reaching his arms around Jeno's torso as he lifts him out of the car. Jeno can't breathe, his body shakes and burns with pain but Jeno doesn't care. He just screams. He's not sure if it's words that leave his broken throat, or if it's nothing but a mix of indistinguishable sounds. He doesn't care. </p><p>The ground is cold beneath him as he's lowered down onto it, Donghyuck flush against him. He feels strong arms wrap around him from behind, a face pressed into the crook of his neck, whispering soft nothings into the skin there as Jeno continues to sob, body thrashing almost uncontrollably. Jeno is cold, so cold, and yet his body burns with the ache he feels all over, the ache that sips into his bones, into the remains of his torn up soul. </p><p>Jeno feels like he's back in that night, all those years ago. The night his mother had died, wrapped up in his father's arms as he desperately tried to keep the broken pieces of his son together. Except now, everything is cold, and there's no storm but everything is still too loud, and too quiet at the same time. </p><p>His mouth is still open in a silent scream, vocal chords finally giving in to the strain and his body shakes, the pain in his right arm worsening. Jeno's still crying, can still taste the salty liquid on his lips. There's blood everywhere. He can taste it, feel it, smell it in the air. </p><p>The world is spinning too fast around him. Jeno wants it all to stop, he wants to wake up, to find out all of this is a nightmare and that in reality, Jeno never got into the stupid car in the first place, never let Renjun convince him to go to the race. </p><p>Except he can't, because this is real. This awful, terrible cold winter's night, where he lies in Donghyuck arms on the ground, the totalled mustang GT only a few feet away, Renjun's body lying inside. This is his reality.</p><p>He feels weak, his body succumbing to the pain as his mind starts to slow down, vision caving in, and Jeno lets it happen, welcomes the darkness because it's better than facing the nightmare that unfolds around him. Jeno turns his head to the side, burying his face into Donghyuck's warmth, the boy tightening his grip around the older. "You're gonna be okay, Jeno. I promise, I promise..."</p><p>Donghyuck's voice fades along with everything else as Jeno's breathing finally steadies, body slumping fully against the younger’s, the shivering coming to a stop.</p><p>The last thing Jeno hears is the sound of sirens, a far away melody, as if submerged under water, lulling him to sleep.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <strong>Five Years Later…</strong>
</p><p>The rays of the winter sun greet Jeno’s face as he steps out of the campus library, heavy wooden doors falling shut behind him. The air around him is biting cold, his breath coming out in puffs of white smoke as he buries his hands inside his coat pockets. The light reflects off of the roofs of the buildings covered in a sheen of frost, making everything glitter and glisten in the hours approaching midday. </p><p>Jeno breathes in the air around him, the frigid quality of it burning in his lungs. It hurts, just a bit, but it’s still refreshing. The cold makes his cheeks and nose dust pink, bringing colour to the otherwise pale skin that hasn’t been out in the sun much for the past few weeks. </p><p>He starts taking the stone steps two in two as he moves downwards, stopping once hears a shout of his name. Jeno turns his head towards the sound, an easy smile settling on his face as his eyes land on bouncy raven hair, sparkling silver earrings and black lines of ink that lick at a caramel jaw. </p><p>“Hey,” Donghyuck says, slightly out of breath as he reaches Jeno’s side, “there you are. I’ve been looking for you.” He holds up his phone. “Texted you but you didn’t answer,” The younger finishes with a slight pout of his rosy lips. </p><p>Jeno retrieves his own phone from his pants pocket, lifting it up to show the black screen. “I had my phone turned off. Studying,” he says as a means of explanation, “I left a note for you on the fridge though, silly. Didn’t you see it?” </p><p>“Oh.” A sheepish grin grows on Donghyuck’s face. “I made myself breakfast while half-asleep this morning and I must have overseen it.” </p><p>Shaking his head with a smile, Jeno reaches up to run a hand through Donghyuck’s dark strands, tracing his fingers down along the side of the younger’s face before gently holding his jaw. Jeno pulls him closer, pressing a sweet kiss against Donghyuck’s lips. </p><p>Donghyuck tilts his head before Jeno can move away, hands gripping the older’s waist as he deepens the kiss. Jeno sighs against his mouth, relishing in the heat that radiates off Donghyuck's body in waves despite the frigid weather. They part a moment after, Donghyuck placing another kiss on Jeno’s cupid's bow before maneuvering their hands so they slot together, dangling between them. </p><p>“You ready to go?” The younger whispers, white puff of air fanning against Jeno’s face. He nods, giving Donghyuck’s hand a squeeze and turning to the side as he continues down the steps. </p><p>They walk around to the other side of the building, interlaced hands safely hidden in the warmth of Donghyuck’s padded coat pocket. There, parked at the sidewalk stands a beautiful cherry red Mustang, glistening under the sun. Jeno had spent two whole years worth of savings on it, and the car is worth every penny. To Jeno, it serves as a symbol, a way for him to remember the past while also looking towards the future. </p><p>He lets Donghyuck slip into the driver’s seat, opening the door on the passenger side and settling down against the white leather. They both strap themselves in, engine roaring to life once Donghyuck turns the key. </p><p>Jeno lets himself take a deep breath, the fear of sitting in this very position has long since evaporated, but the faint voice of anxiety rears its ugly head regardless. Jeno pushes it down, along with the memories it threatens to resurface. Instead he focuses on the intricate drawings that line his boyfriends exposed arms, coat discarded and the sleeves of his pullover pushed back as the heater of the car warms them up. </p><p>The older feels drowsy as Donghyuck pulls out into the street and joins the steady stream of traffic, the lack of sleep the night before catching up to him as he lets out a yawn. </p><p>“Make the most of this three hour drive and get some sleep, Jeno,” his boyfriend says, reaching a hand over to squeeze Jeno’s, allowing his attention to drift from the road as they stop at a traffic light. Jeno nods, wriggling around in his seat until he finds a somewhat comfortable position. He feels Donghyuck thread his fingers through his hair before returning his hand to the steering wheel, softly muttering something under his breath. </p><p>Jeno doesn’t quite catch it, his exhaustion and the low humming of the car beneath him coaxing him to sleep. </p><p>They arrive just as the afternoon sun at its highest point in the sky. Not that they can see it, winter clouds shrouding the light and painting the city in a grey filter. Donghyuck kills the engine, eyes darting over to Jeno who is wide awake now, staring at the familiar white iron fencing on the other side of the street. Jeno notices Donghyuck’s gaze, meeting his eyes and curling up the ends of his mouth into a smile. The younger returns it, leaning over the console to peck Jeno’s cheek before they both get out of the car. </p><p>Jeno can feel the comforting weight of Donghyuck’s hand on the small of his back as they cross the road, drawing closer to the headstones that greet them in all different shapes and forms. A mosaic of black, whites and greys with small splashes of colour in the form of flowers, much like the ones Jeno grips tightly in his right hand. </p><p>Lilies for his mother, daffodils for Renjun.</p><p>He stops in front of his mother’s grave first, pressing a kiss against the tip of two of his fingers before placing them atop the white marble. Bending down, he inspects the state of the grave. It’s mostly well-kept, a testament to the fact that Jeno’s father still lives in the city, choosing to stay tethered to the town that took his wife. Jeno had tried to mend what was left of their relationship years ago, but his father is no longer the man Jeno knew. A shell of a human being living in a house that has long since stopped being a home. Jeno couldn’t tear him away from it, no matter how much he had tried.</p><p>He doesn’t try anymore. </p><p>Sending up a prayer to his mother, Jeno gently lies down the lilies at the foot of the headstone. He stands back up slowly, gaze washing over the gold linen words that display his mother’s name on the ivory stone. Donghyuck’s arms wrap around him from behind, a warm kiss against the skin on Jeno’s neck as he rests his chin there. </p><p>Jeno tilts his head to the side, breathing in Donghyuck’s scent as he places a kiss against his cheek. He steps backward, Donghyuck detaching from him before linking their hands together as they continue on the cobblestone path. </p><p>They make their way around to the other side of the small church, where the cemetery extends out further on the church's grounds. Jeno’s eyes travel upwards, landing on a familiar head of hair, a few strands of silver peeking out from the black. The woman turns around as she hears them approach, and her eyes crinkle as she smiles, same as always except for the fact that the crows feet appear a lot more pronounced than the last time Jeno had seen her. </p><p>“Jeno,” she breathes, walking over and placing her hands on the young man’s cheeks. This close, Jeno sees how her eyes shine with tears, but the smile on her lips never wavers. She places a quick kiss onto the side of his face before turning to Donghyuck, lifting one of her hands to gently pinch his cheek between her fingers. “Donghyuck.”</p><p>“Hello, Mrs. Huang.” Donghyuck greets, bowing politely. </p><p>“How are you boys?” </p><p>“Good,” Jeno smiles, hoping he doesn’t sound as choked up as he feels. Seeing Renjun’s mother is always hard, no matter how many times they’ve met like this. Jeno thought it would get easier with each passing year. It doesn’t. Every time he sees her, Jeno is reminded of the fact that he is the reason that this woman, so full of love, has lost not only her husband but her only son. He knows that Mrs. Huang has never blamed him for what happened, but no matter the forgiveness he is shown, Jeno will never fully be able to forgive himself. He supposes it’s only a fair price to pay. </p><p>“Go,” Mrs. Huang says, reading Jeno like an open book, “go talk to him.”</p><p>Jeno thanks her, giving Donghyuck’s hand a firm squeeze. He detangles their fingers then, walking towards the grey headstone. Mrs. Huang and Donghyuck step further away, Jeno only catching on to the beginnings of their conversation, something about their plans after university, before their voices are carried away with the wind. </p><p>He places down the flowers at the base of the grave, sitting down next to the headstone, the frost on the ground bleeding through his jeans. </p><p>“Hey,” Jeno greets as his hands start toying with the short blades of grass next to the gravestone. “I’m back. I brought you daffodils again, not that they’ll survive long in this weather.” He huffs out a laugh. “It’s freezing cold. My butt is probably gonna be frozen solid by the end of this.” Jeno chuckles again, and he knows it’s just his imagination, but he swears he hears the melody of Renjun’s laugh in the gust of wind that follows.</p>
<hr/><p>“Well that sounds like a wonderful idea,” Mrs. Huang says as they reach the front gates of the cemetery grounds, Donghyuck accompanying her to her car in order to give Jeno some time alone. </p><p>“You know,” she starts as she steps down onto the sidewalk, “I really do hope you two manage to stay together even after your college days are over. You’re good for each other..” Her eyes travel towards the chapel, to the young man that sits on the ground behind it at her son’s headstone. </p><p>“Thank you.” Donghyuck smiles, drawing the woman’s attention back towards him. They stay there for another moment, nothing but the howling wind to keep them company until Mrs. Huang stirs. </p><p>“Well then, I should get going. Make some room in your busy college schedules to come visit me for tea and cookies one of these days, will you?” She demands teasingly as she heads for her car, Donghyuck following suit. </p><p>He holds the door open for her as she enters. “I’m sure we’ll find time. Can’t really expect me or Jeno to say no to free cookies.” </p><p>Mrs. Huang laughs, and they bid their goodbyes after Donghyuck shuts the driver’s side door of the car, waving her off once she pulls out of the parking space. </p><p>He spots Jeno trudging down the cobblestone path as he comes back to the gate, both hands shoved into his pockets. Donghyuck notes how much older he’s gotten since they were kids. Sure, he’s used to Jeno’s broad frame, to the stubble that clings at his jaw after just a day or two, to the gel in his hair that keeps stray strands at bay. </p><p>Still, it’s different. Jeno is different. Said man lifts his head, the faintest rays of the sun that peek through the clouds illuminating his face as his eyes turn into those same old crescent moons. Different, yes, Donghyuck thinks to himself, but still Jeno. </p><p>“You ready to go?” Donghyuck asks as soon as Jeno is through the gate. The younger turns around, looking back one last time before he takes a deep breath. He turns to Donghyuck then, taking a hold of the man’s already outstretched hands. </p><p>“Yeah.” Jeno laces their fingers together. “Ready.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thank you for reading! kudos/comments are always very appreciated &lt;3</p><p>⇨ find me on <a href="https://https://twitter.com/hyucksicles">twitter</a>🐦</p><p>⇨ my <a href="https://curiouscat.me/hyucksicles">curiouscat</a>🐈</p></blockquote></div></div>
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